Battle of the Burgers: Part 1 - Beatbox Kitchen

'Battle of the Burgers' is a five-part blog review which takes me on a cholesterol-fueled journey in search of the biggest, baddest and juiciest burgers in Melbourne. 

The series will be posted according to ranking starting from #5. Now I understand that there are plenty of burger joints in Melbourne but I simply do not have the time or the resources to cover each and every one of them. I  honestly would have loved to do at least a Top 10 list but hey, there’s an idea I can revisit again in the future.

As a disclaimer please note that the rankings are based on MY personal criteria and preference. I encourage you to try out these places before making any comparisons. And of course suggestions on other burger joints will be much appreciated.

 #5 Beatbox Kitchen

Various locations

Carlton North, VIC 3054

03 8060 6664

Beatbox Kitchen should get special mention for being the only non-restaurant in the list. They’re operate out of a food truck which is modeled to look like a jukebox. The mobile nature of this operation allows Beatbox Kitchen to make random appearances around town, engaging customers in a ‘Where’s Wally’ kinda game. You never know where they’ll turn up next, but that’s what Facebook pages are for. 

I caught news of Beatbox Kitchen one Saturday morning through a breakfast buddy. We had initially planned to visit Breizoz but detoured to Carlton Gardens instead where they were making an appearance. It was a sunny Saturday morning and there was already sizable hungry crowd loitering around. It was an exciting moment when they opened the flaps, kinda like watching a Transformer morph right in front of you. Rock music blared from within signalling that their grills were open and the crowd swarmed in like flesh-hungry zombies.

Their menu is not very extensive, actually if memory serves me correct (forgive me but it has been months since I tried it) they only had three or so items: Raph burger which is basically a beef patty with the lot, veggie burger and chilli fries. We ordered one of each and tried to use the truck as a shade against the murderous sun. By this time the smell of charred meat had attracted more zombies who were perusing the arts and craft market.

We were lucky to have gotten a headstart in the line and promptly left in search of a perfect picnic spot, burgers and fries in tow. It was only when I sat down did I realize how tiny the burgers were…

Don’t let this picture fool you, the camera added 10 pounds! For a moment there I thought I made the wrong order and got the kiddie meal instead. The taste certainly left a lot to be desired. The patty although well cooked was bland and the burger mostly tasted salty from the cheese. The veggie burger was not any better and was similarly minuscule. To quote my friend: “It came with just a piece of leaf.”

Their only saving grace: chilli fries, which were a nice change from chips and made for a nice snack.

The final word:

Is it worth the hype?

No. Over 15,000 Likes on FB and you would expect something a lot more mouthwatering than that under-proportioned patty they call a burger. Maybe I’m too used to having my senses assaulted but the Beatbox Kitchen experience didn’t do anything for me.

Is it worth the price?

Hell to the NO! With a price tag that almost surpasses $15 I could easily get something bigger and tastier. The jukebox concept is a novel idea and is guaranteed to bring in the crowds but they gotta amp up the volumes to stay competitive. And I wasn’t talking bout the music.

Will I come back again?

No. If you’re an avid foodie try it once just for the experience but in all seriousness there are waaaaay better options for burgers in these areas. Maybe if I were on a diet and didn’t wanna feel full, like that’s ever gonna happen. 

Beatbox Kitchen (Food Truck) on Urbanspoon

Other reviews in the Battle of the Burgers series:

#1 Andrew’s Hamburger

#2 Huxtaburger

#3 Soda Rock Diner

#4 Embassy Taxi Cafe